I'd like to start this out by saying that today and yesterday and the day before that, all of those days, together, were most definitely some sort of reality warp placed upon me to test my strength, and resilience to INSANITY.

Sunday night was Big D's big 3-0 birthday. I was almost saved from my future pain by going to sleep early that night, but David himself called me at 11 pm, to whole heartedly and drunkenly rouse me from my bed with promises of a free cab ride. Me, unable to say "NO." to fun, took him up on it. Loud kinda shitty punk music at the comet ensued; lots of beer also...and corn chips and laying down in juniper bushes and dancing, dirty-style. These older chaps were very wasted, and were wonderful to observe. We ran into Jef(f) S, on the way to Sara's house and he, in his own little drunk state, followed us to dance. DANCING is an excellent activity to eliminate stress and create bonds between two people of opposite yet attracted sexes who very obviously need/want to kiss each other for no other reason besides "I'm on vacation." or "I'm trying to explore my blooming and unhinging sexuality; but I refuse to feel like a slut because of masculine stereotypes."

Also because there is a small happiness that is shared without words.

I'm going to go all girl right now:

In trying to decipher my usual favorite physical qualities in a man, the realistic patterns present me with this; slender(skinny), blonde, smaller than me. However, what my atoms really ache for is something unannounced. I don't know what I am going to wake up tommorrow and find attractive. Today it was a short kid my age with a raggy suit and a gap between his teeth (a weird secret thing I wanted as a kid and still find so alluring..I mean, the confidence to keep a gap unfixed is so sweet and purely it kills me).

It is more the non-physical qualities that are unwavering for me, which I'm sure most people would agree with; but here is the problem I'm faced with; I am so intrigued by people's individuality, that I often find myself falling in love with people that I don't really like. It is a problem simply because it skews what I really truly value in a man. Instead of liking someone because they contain all of the stuff I find appealing, I am pairing myself up with those who don't quite make the cut, but it doesn't matter because I "fill it in later", using my imagination to convince myself that these dudes actually are great. What a joke...well at least I'm aware of it.

Springtime is nipping my heels into some sort of happy motivation dance, and I'm feeling more able then I have in many american months.

I am also currently suffering from the Plague, so I'm afraid this is my exit. (From this post, not from life)


PS. The Breakfast Club is such a kickass movie, even though it's taking me four hours to get through it.